Sorry All
Lately my life has been really busy. I don't get home from work until 6:30pm, so I only get a few hours with Sierra on the weekdays. She goes to bed at 8 pm and then I relax. By 8pm I'm so tired that I forget to post and even if I'm not tired, I'm to lazy to do it. I guess what I'm saying is, sorry for not posting.
Anyway, I've been thinking a lot lately about how hard it is being a single mom. Excuse me for a moment while I jump on my soap box here... It's just now that Justin is in Iraq and I'm left to care for Sierra on my own, it's been really difficult. My family lives no where near me and even though I have fabulous friends, they don't care for Sierra as much as family would. I can't explain how alone I feel right now. I never get a moment to myself because I can never find a babysitter. Even if I could, I couldn't afford one. I work Saturdays and finding someone to care for Sierra has been a nightmare! Lately, I get to about Thursday and then I scramble to find a friend to watch Sierra on Saturday. Also, on my reserve weekend I work Saturday and Sunday...you can imagine how hard it is to find someone willing to give up their whole weekend and get up at 6 am both days, just to watch my kid! Luckily my visiting teachers have stepped up along with a few friends, but I feel bad about putting them out and always being a charity case.
Which brings me to just that... being a charity case. Ever since Justin asked me for the divorce I've been nothing but a burden to my friends. At least that's how I feel. I always need someone to help with Sierra. I never have time or money to go out. In the beginning, I was down and talked about my sad feelings all the time ( I don't do that now, but I'm sure it sucked when I did ). I still feel like this, now it's always needing a babysitter and never having time for my friends, having to ask the church for help, having to ask my visiting teachers for help...always something!
I totally want a nice husband, just so I have someone to help out. But, I don't wanna date and I'm not ready to care about someone else or fall in love. So, I guess finding someone isn't gonna happen any time soon.
Not to mention... about 90% of my time is spent with just a 2 year old for company. Needless to say there's not a lot of deep conversation going on there.
Okay, enough. There .. I'm off my soap box. I feel better. Thanks for listening.
3 comments:
Man, life sucks for you this past year. I am sorry, Heidi. I really wish you'd move closer to home so Mom and Dad could help you more with Sierra. She should be spending time with family members, not people that are in your lives for such a short time. I know you have great friends, but family is so important. I wish so often that Ian's parents or our parents were closer. It would take a load off now and then. It's too bad Justin's family is so far too. I know they'd help if they were close. CA isn't he ideal place to live though.
I'm so sorry sweetie. I can't imagine how hard it is for you. I wish you lived close. I would watch Sierra for you every day. Cameryn is so ready to have friends and it would be so awesome if they could play.
You wouldn't have to worry about feeling like you are burdening me with anything either. I would gladly help you and my family is close too. It would be like living near your family too since we've all known each other since you and I were like 5. Plus your parents live closer to Maryland than to Idaho.
I would love if you moved out here. I'm so glad that you have so many great friends out there, while all of my friends have moved and live at least 45 minutes or more away. Anyways, I wish I could share your burden with you and I will remember you in my prayers. You are a wonderful mom and I love you tons. Can I call you on your cell phone at work? I would love to talk to you and if you need to talk to anyone I'm always here for you.
Well, thanks for you support Daisy and Gina. It means a lot that you guys care enough to write me and watch my daughter grow on blogger.
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